Introducing the most significant research tool on the internet

Jim Lumsden
|April 1, 2019

Have you ever had a paper rejected from a top-tier journal because your findings weren’t “significant”? Have you ever spent months engaged in painstaking data collection only to get a p-value of 0.2? If the data refuses to confirm an effect which you know is real, then you need our new Prolific Fishing tool!

Here at Prolific we understand the agony of non-significant results, and that’s why we’re super excited to announce our latest product: The Prolific Fishing Tool. Our new P-Fishing tool guarantees you a statistically significant result, whatever hypothesis you choose. Simply enter a study URL, choose an effect size, and our tool will do the rest.

When you hit go, our tool launches 20 parallel Prolific studies. We recalculate your output variables after every submission, and as soon as one study crosses that famous 0.05 threshold, we hit the brakes. You’re left with one, true dataset, and we automatically delete the remaining 19 failed studies. Don’t worry, these extra studies won’t be cluttering up your file drawer. Under GDPR article 17, we invoke the studies’ right to be forgotten, ensuring all traces are deleted from Prolific databases, and you can pretend they never existed.

This tool will not only save your Professorship, it can save you money too. We’ll automatically stop data collection once your effect of interest is statistically significant, meaning you’ll never need to pay for participants who add nothing but noise. We’ll even auto-generate a plausible power analysis statement for your Methods section.

The Impact Factor

If our P-Fishing tool fails to result in the Nature paper you’ve always wanted, then (for an additional, extortionate fee) you can supercharge your science with the AI-powered P-Trawlerfishing tool.

Trawlerfishing uses the latest advances in artificial intelligence and the p-fishing power of our 200 prescreeners to sample and segment the Prolific pool in approximately 2167514.4 different ways. We maximise your study’s p-value potential through the power of obfuscated, non-random, sample composition: Selecting just the participants you need to prove the effect you know exists.

And, when just a few more participants are required to push your exciting finding over the line, our Auto-Participant AI can generate realistically and scientifically valid participant submissions for you. Each Auto-Participant submission costs only £15, and delivers perfectly credible data in moments.

Join the Beta today. Publish in Nature tomorrow

Do you want to be among the first to try out Prolific’s Fishing tool? Do you want to take your scientific career to the next level? Click here to register your interest!

We can’t wait to see the incredible discoveries you’ll make!

Come discuss this blog post with our community!